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Landing in Northern Sweden had felt like jumping into the opening scene from Kubrick\'s \'The Shining\'. A car snaking through a never-ending firtree landscape carries Jack Nicholson to isolation. Heading along a very similar road in Northern Sweden I am destined for my girlfriend\'s home town of Pite?and its 40,000 residents, the Pitebor. Lasse and his cheery wife Elisabet (Ulrica\'s maternal aunt) met us off our plane and after the brief formalities we had piled our luggage into their car. A proud man with a somewhat tabloid press view of the world, Lasse speaks the local accent Pitemål fluently and can often be difficult to interpret. He has a sense of humour I had been warned about and I was on my guard. When he had asked if I recognised an area I had only passed through before, on a road walled by nothing but trees, I had assumed he had to be joking. Ulrica and I had met and fallen in love in cyberspace a year ago. After four months of domestic bliss, picking up eachother\'s dirty socks and nagging eachother about whose turn it was to clean up the cat\'s vomit we decided it was time to visit a family I hardly knew. I had never imagined that a brief encounter online would some day lead me to a town, which previously had only been a faint name on a map. If Northern Scandinavia had appealed at all it would only have been for the thrill of an Arctic adventure in Lapland\'s wilderness. Now after countless tales of midnight sunsets, snow scooters and reindeer my intrigue had built up. After the longest five minutes I can remember Elisabet breaks the uncomfortable silence which resulted from my wisecrack and proudly announces "there\'s Palt at home!" Palt is Piteå\'s national dish and according to a leaflet I picked up at the airport is also one of its three meagre claims to fame. The other two being Ronny Eriksson a local bard who unless you speak like Lasse sounds like a load of foodle with accordion accompaniment, and Pite Havsbad, a leisure complex which has grown to being Scandinavia\'s largest campsite.
In Elisabet\'s homely kitchen the family assembles for lunch around a big pine table. Dotto splats the hefty Palts onto our plates from a boiling steel cauldron on the cooker. These dumplings, made from a blood, potato and flour dough are stuffed with strips of bacon and not a pretty sight. They resemble big balls of steaming papier-mâch? Similar in taste to a hot scotch pie though, with lashings of butter and cranberry jam they go down a treat. After the second I am bloated and even though I resist proving my manhood by attempting a third, I am warmly welcomed. When it comes to palt, hospitality is something that the Pitebor are noted for. We discover we\'ve arrived just a week too late for the great Paltfest when local traders serve over 5,000 palts in the town centre. My first evening in Pite?ends somewhere in a red wine stupor. When I wake up the following morning in a completely alien room Ulrica tells me that we are in her father\'s house. Kalle is a man at peace with the world who likes to take his time before expressing an opinion of anything. I know he does not suffer fools so I feel a little nervous in his presence. I try hard to remember if we had met last night but hand him a bottle of whisky I\'ve brought him and hope for the best. He almost smiles!
A few miles away lies Jävre (from the Lapp word Jawre for sea). As possibly Northern Sweden\'s oldest settlement it boasts an impressive array of graves, labyrinths, and sacrificial stones dating back to AD 400-600. Its real treasure is a small 6 centimetre in diameter bit of metal. Some say it\'s a buckle others say a jewel, I think it\'s more like a misplaced Meccano wheel and wonder if its some kind of April fool. Those more archeologically enlightened maintain that it\'s a remnant of the Bronze Age Piano-people who came from Southern Russia and proves that tourists have been living it up here since before the birth of Christ. With captivating views out across granite rock to the deep blue Gulf of Bothnia, Jävre\'s campsite, which originally opened as a salmon farm, has a five- year waiting list. Despite its popularity the place is unspoilt by tourism and has an aura of being close to nature. The 60 caravans have been delicately positioned, almost camouflaged with as little intrusion to the environment as possible. A small visitor centre and nearby conference building have curiously uneven tree-stump walls that remind me of a fairytale goblin\'s home. They appear as if they would tumble with the slightest gust of wind. The wood has been varnished until it is a golden brown and one building even has a lone tree growing straight through its centre. Its bushy treetop sticks out almost like an environmentally friendly radio antenna. We come here not to camp but to take advantage of a generous supply of salmon. Within half an hour we have caught two fish of about 3kgs and at a cost of about ? there is plenty to feed our hungry party. We make up a fire at one of the several picnic sites and grill the still warm fish. Kalle proudly pulls out the whisky I gave him and gives me a smile and nod of approval. In good company we sit jovially discussing, with the occasional touch of flatulence, the meaning of life until the early hours. The following morning I follow the tourist guide\'s advice "Grab a Pitecycle!" Yellow bicycles are provided free by the tourist office but I wonder about their intention when I have trouble locating anything resembling a brake. Fortunately there is a bell and I am safe in the knowledge that people can be warned when yet another stupid
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