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Once you have been married and divorced, entering the dating scene may be the last thing on your mind. Of course, everyone around you will have different ideas. Once you are ¡°on the market¡±, so to speak, friends and family members may adopt you as their personal mission. They may become intent on finding Mr. or Mrs. Right for you. While you may drag your feet for a while, there will probably come a time when you decide you want to try dating again. Dating and single parenthood can be a scary combination, however.
Before you were a parent, you basically had to look out only for yourself. There really wasn¡¯t anyone else dependent on you to make wise choices and decisions. Now that you are a parent, however, the circumstances are quite different. Every choice you make may somehow affect your child or children. This is very true when it comes to dating.
It is very possible that you will date many people before finding someone who fits perfectly into your life and your child¡¯s life. Because of this, you will need to decide just how many of your new acquaintances you would like for your child to meet. Much of this decision may depend on the age of your child. If your child is very young, she may not attach any significance to meeting a new ¡°friend¡± of mommy or daddy¡¯s. If your child is school-aged or a teenager, though, he may feel more threatened or at the very least have many questions which he may or may not pose to you.
Many single parents attempt to keep their dating life separate from the lives of their children, at least until something serious develops with a person they are seeing. Some parents only date on the days that their child is with his other parent. This protects the child from any feelings of resentment and jealousy. The parent isn¡¯t taking time away from the child to be with someone else, so there is less reason for conflicts.
If you are the sole guardian, however, you may not have the luxury to date only when your child is away. If so, you will need to talk to your child about how you need to have friends, just as your child needs friends. It is still a good idea to keep your dating separate until you have gotten to know the person you are seeing a little better.
Once you have begun to see someone fairly regularly, you will probably want to introduce your child. There are several reasons for this. You want to see how your new friend responds to your child, and you want to see how your child reacts to your new friend. Keep in mind, however, that it may take them both a little time to get use to the idea that they may have to share you.
If your child is extremely possessive of you and your time, let her in on some simple decisions, such as deciding where you could all go for a fun evening. Be sure and give her extra one-on-one time with you as often as possible after you have introduced her to someone new.
It is equally important that you pay attention to how your child and the person you are dating interact with each other. Keep in mind that not only do you need to approve of the way this person treats you, but you also need to monitor how they treat your child. After all, you are a package deal. If the new man or woman in your life isn¡¯t prepared to love your child, then your relationship with that person will never work.
Finally, it is important that you take everything slowly. Don¡¯t rush into a relationship and expect your child to adjust quickly and easily to a new person in her life. Taking the time to know someone will be beneficial to you, the person you are dating, and your child. Once you have all spent time together and grown more accustomed to each other, you may have a chance to build on a lasting and rewarding relationship for everyone involved.
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