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Alcoholism is a disease. Sometimes it is passed down genetically, and in other cases it is not part of someone’s family history. If you suspect that your friend has a drinking problem, you should try to help.
First of all, why do you think that your friend is an alcoholic? Does your friend drink during the day? Does your friend drink alone? Have you noticed that your friend always drinks an excessive amount and never just a couple of beers when you’re out with friends? Does your friend become violent or angry when he or she drinks? Have you observed that your friend is drunk nearly every day, and every night? If you answered yes to any or all of these questions, then your suspicions are warranted. These are not normal behaviors, and if your friend has been acting like this for months, then it is time for you to question your friend.
Remember, you are approaching this person out of care and concern – this is not an attack, and it is not an intervention. Before you take it to that level, try talking to your friend on a one-on-one basis. Ask your pal to go out for a quiet dinner or lunch, or invite them over to your place for a meal. If you’re going to go out, go somewhere quiet so that you are not distracted, and make sure it is not an establishment that is directly associated with drinking, like a pub or bar… the last thing you want to do is talk to your friend about a drinking problem over drinks. You might consider going to a quiet coffee shop where alcoholic drinks are not even available. Tell your friend that you do not mean to pry into their personal life, but you’ve had some concerns. Explain to your friend that you love him or her, and that you wouldn’t be bringing this up if you didn’t genuinely care. Be honest – tell your friend that you are worried that here she has a drinking problem. You should not label the person an alcoholic right off the bat – that term can scare people off, and it sounds a little bit too judgmental. Present the reasons for your suspicion – your friend seems to be drunk all the time, and his or her behavior when drinking is unsettling. Give your friend the opportunity to respond. He or she may agree with you that things have been out of control lately, and perhaps your friend will agree that curbing the drinking would be a good idea.
It is also possible that your friend will be very angry and offended that you have “accused” him or her of being out of control, and there’s a possibility that he or she will become very defensive and want to leave. Your friend might try to defend his or her drinking habits, telling you that it’s all just fun and partying – nothing serious. If your friend is angry, apologize for being intrusive, but remind your friend that you’re coming from a place of concern, not judgment. Time will be the test as to whether or not your talk will impact your friend’s drinking habits. If the drinking subsides, then perhaps all that your friend needed was your wake-up call to reign him or herself in. That is the best case scenario. On the other hand, your friend’s problem may persist, and in fact it may worsen with time. If so, then you’ll have to take more drastic measures in order to help your friend.
Talk to a substance abuse counselor in your community about confronting your friend in an intervention. Talk to your other friends and to your alcoholic friend’s family members about participating in the intervention. The substance abuse counselor may be able to advise you as to facilities in your area that your friend may be able to check into to deal with his or her drinking problem following the intervention. The counselor will also be able to get information on Alcoholics Anonymous and other support groups that will help your friend to cope with life as an alcoholic. Interventions are not always pretty, but they can really make a difference. Everyone involved will be confronting the suspected alcoholic about their personal encounters with your friend’s drinking problems. Your friend may be very angry and feel betrayed, but it is worth it in the long run to risk hurting your friend’s feelings if it means that he or she will recover. Pretending that the problem does not exist will not make it go away, and good friends help each other get through hard times. One day, your friend will thank you for your confrontation. |
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